Why Feeling 'Okay' is Underrated
What if the secret to feeling good isn't about chasing happiness, but about appreciating the absence of suffering?
Hey everyone,
This week, I've been pondering a simple, yet profound idea:
Feeling good is mostly not feeling sick, not having pain, not having a big stressor constantly occupying your mind.
It might sound obvious, even a bit pessimistic. We're often told to strive for more – more happiness, more excitement, more peak experiences. But I think we often overlook the profound importance of simply feeling... okay. And, perhaps more importantly, we forget that for many, even feeling "okay" is a hard-won privilege.
The Hedonic Treadmill and Our Ancient Wiring
Have you ever noticed how quickly you adapt to positive changes? You get a promotion, buy a new car, go on a dream vacation... and after a while, the thrill fades. This is the "hedonic treadmill" in action. Hedonic adaptation is our tendency to return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major life events. As a person's circumstances improve, their expectations and desires rise in tandem, resulting in no permanent gain in happiness.
But why does this happen? Part of the answer lies in our evolutionary history. Our brains are wired with a negativity bias – we're designed to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones. For our ancestors, this was crucial for survival. Being acutely aware of threats and dangers was far more important than savoring a beautiful sunset.
This negativity bias means that negative events tend to have a stronger and more lasting impact on our brains. While we adapt to positive changes relatively quickly, the sting of a loss, a setback, or chronic stress lingers. This is why chasing constant "highs" is often a losing battle. Our brains are simply not built for sustained euphoria.
For example, imagine your baseline well-being is at a 5. Getting a compliment, having a nice lunch, or watching a funny video might each add a small increment – maybe +0.25 each. But experiencing a harsh criticism, getting a flat tire, or having an argument with a loved one could subtract a much larger amount – say, -3 or -4. The negative event disproportionately impacts your overall state.
We often chase external markers of success, believing they hold the key to happiness. But have you ever noticed a deeper, more sustainable sense of well-being arising not from achieving something new, but from resolving something that was holding you back? Perhaps it was finally addressing a health issue, working through a difficult relationship, or simplifying your life. The relief and stability that come from removing a negative often outweigh the temporary boost of adding a positive.
The Foundation of "Not Bad": A Baseline for Well-being
This brings me back to my initial point: feeling good is often about not feeling bad. It's about establishing a stable baseline where we're free from significant physical or mental discomfort. This "not bad" state isn't about settling for mediocrity; it's about creating a solid foundation upon which genuine, lasting well-being can be built.
Think of it like this: it's incredibly difficult to enjoy anything if you're in constant pain, battling an illness, or overwhelmed by stress. Imagine someone caught in a raging storm at sea – they're not worried about whether their shirt is wrinkled. Their sole focus is on survival.
This aligns perfectly with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Before we can focus on higher-level pursuits like love, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization, our basic physiological and safety needs must be met. "Not feeling sick," "not having pain," and "not having a major stressor" are directly tied to these foundational levels. Our brains, driven by that ancient negativity bias, prioritize addressing these threats before anything else.
Think about a time when you were feeling physically or emotionally unwell. How did that impact your ability to connect with others, pursue your goals, or appreciate the good things in your life? How does this relate to the idea of a 'baseline' of well-being?
The Math of Feeling Okay (And the Privilege Within)
I've learned firsthand what it's like when chronic discomfort becomes a constant companion. Everyday activities that most people don't think twice about can become major hurdles. The simple joy of feeling okay – without significant pain or stress – takes on a whole new level of significance. It's a constant reminder of the importance of that 'not bad' baseline.
I started to think of well-being in mathematical terms:
Well-being = Base ^ Exponent
Base: Your foundational state of "not feeling bad" – your physical and mental health, your sense of safety and security.
Exponent: The positive experiences, relationships, and achievements that add richness and meaning to your life.
Here's the crucial point: If your base is close to 0 (constant pain, severe stress, deep insecurity), then raised to any power it is still 0. 0 ^ anything = 0. It doesn't matter how amazing the "exponent" experiences are; they can't be fully appreciated if you're constantly struggling.
The first, essential step is getting that base to 1 – a state of basic well-being, free from major negatives. Once you're at 1, something remarkable happens: 1 ^ anything = 1 (or potentially much greater). This is where growth becomes possible. Small, consistent positive actions (the exponent) can now have a compounding effect, leading to significant improvements over time.
But – and this is vital to acknowledge – even achieving that base of 1 is a privilege. Many people around the world face daily challenges – poverty, illness, war, hardship – that make "not feeling bad" an incredibly difficult, sometimes impossible, goal. This isn't about inducing guilt; it's about fostering awareness and compassion.
How might acknowledging the privilege of "not feeling bad" change your perspective? How can you cultivate more gratitude for the simple things you might take for granted?
A Gentle Invitation
I'm not offering a quick fix or a list of "happiness hacks." Instead, I'm inviting you to reflect on your own definition of "feeling good." Perhaps, like me, you'll find that a significant part of it lies in the quiet, often unnoticed absence of negatives.
Maybe, this week, you could set a small, achievable goal related to tending to your "base." Perhaps it's prioritizing sleep, drinking more water, taking a few minutes for mindful breathing, or simply acknowledging a moment of peace and ease. Because once that foundation is solid, the possibilities for growth are truly exponential.
I wish you a not bad week ahead,
Radu Stochitoiu